love, marriage and a baby carriage.. and of course, in-laws

the reason why i want to get married is that i found the guy i could get married to. he's almost perfect--okay, well, right now, he seems to be the caring guy i'd lke to have around me. that's coz he knows what i like and dont like and he seems to understand certain things about me that my relatives dare not understand. i just hope he follows throught with his plans of becoming a bigger and better person. i also hope our partnership may withstand time.
my next concern is my fear that my god won't bless me with kids. i really hope he does. i know my future husband wants one, and i'm pretty sure he wont hate me if we wont have any. i'd love to have a mini-me, though. i want her to be as talkative and smart as the kid i used to be. if god makes her brilliant, i wont complain.
on in-laws. i dont like the idea of having to paste a polyester smile on my puckers. well, they havent done anything that could destroy my idea of being part of their family, except that time when they've banned me from their house coz i might run amuck after their stupid impoverished neighbor called me fat, and that time when they said that my boyfriend wont buy me a new wedding gown, but rather borrow some person's gown, and that time when their favorite quack doctor thought i was fat and warned me that overweight pigs had a difficult time giving birth. so there, i fear the idea of being around commoners who feel they have the right to be rude, stupid and spontaneous. i feel that if i hang around people who are neither my relatives, schoolmates, close friends, i would expose myself to people i dont like.

i am stressed. freakin' out even. i'm also sad coz nobody believes in me. even my closest friend. u felt that my i.q. sunk below sea level and my e.q., worse. i dont know what to feel. i cant summon tears, they're just not there. i cant be angry again and let bad karma raining on my parade.

mother thinks i can make it coz she feels i can. i want to believe her.

apologia

look, i just want world peace. i bash because i detest the raging violence and treachery in our world. why are we all driven by resentment and by the idea that one race should reign supreme and allow tragedy to befall on others.

what there is is a world of hate, a world of need and a world of selfishness. this is sad.

i rant because i am sad. i rant because of my disappointment in my inability to do something about my beloved society.

my friends, should my ramblings offend you, i am truly sorry. my ramblings were my verbal defecations in writing.

mr. magalona, the man from manila

as one of those who lived in thehip-hoppin' 90's, i'm supposed to say something to francis magalona.

pare, you made nasyunalismo cool. i commend you for that.

at the time when we imported items flooded the Philippines, you managed to shake us from neo-colonialism with your makabayan chants.

at sige na nga, aminin na: i memorized mga kababayan ko, learned to do the running man and sang cold summer nights when sad. that's coz you said so. that was eons ago.

now that you're gone, please send somebody else, someone like you.

opinyon sa eksena sa cembo

ganito yun, dati pa man ay hindi ako galit sa mga ganyang tao. wala din naman akong pakialam sa kanila. hindi rin naman ako madamot, at hindi ako nanglalait. malamang dahil hindi ako nakikipagkaibigan sa mga ganyang klase ng tao, hindi kasi ako binigyan ng pagkakataon para makihalubilo sa ganun. marunong akong tumulong at marunong akong gumalang. marunong akong dumistansya at marunong akong mamili ng kakausapin at kakaibiganin.
hindi sila ang klase ng taong kakausapin ko.
problema lang kapag inaakala nila na pwede nila akong kausapin kagaya ng mga kapitbahay nila, na kagaya nila, ay wala ring modo, sa paraan na hindi kaaya-aya saan mang anggulo mo tingnan.

kakausapin ko na sila. papatulan ko na yang mga hinayupak na yan.
mga pakialamero rin kasi yang mga yan at papansin. palibhasa, wala silang alam gawin kundi igalaw ang mga bibig nila ayon sa indayog ng mga bayag at suso nila.

eksena sa cembo

may isang pamilya sa brgy. cembo sa makati city na ubod ng bastos. mga walang trabaho mga anak, mga apong lasenggo, mga apo sa tuhod na hindi karapatdapat i-display. ang paraan ng pagbati nila ay alin lang sa dalawa: "uy, ang payat mo na." o "uy, ang taba mo." yan lang ang kaya nilang ilagay sa kokote nila, yun lang kasi ang kasya.
pinagmamalaki ng lola ng mag-anak na ito ang fact na matagal na siyang nakatira duon, 1940's pa raw. nyek! around that time, puro talahib lang dun, mga snatcher at sari-saring masasamang-loob ang nakatira duon. tambakan din ito ng mga sinalvage ( in stupid hampas-lupa language it means the corpse of a murdered person).
anong ipinagmamalaki nila? na nuon pa man panget na lugar nila?

oo, sa lugar nila, eksena sa umaga ang mga babaeng may bitbit na sanggol habang nakikipag-chismis sa kapitbahay o sa kung sinumang inaakala nilang kaibigan nila. ang usual topics ay kung sino ang nahuli nilang nagnakaw ng mga sinampay dun sa mga hindi-squatters, sino ang nabuntis, na sana ay ilibre naman sila sa jollibee, at mga kwento tungkol sa mga kamaganak nilang mayaman na malamang ay hindi sila kilala at isinusuka na sila pero ipinagmamalaki pa nila ito.

bastos

hindi porke mahirap ka at nakatira ka sa squatters' area eh may lisensiya ka na maging bastos.